Posted by Patti Wellington on Sun, Dec 27, 2009 @ 09:35 AM
Over the past several years I've been doing a radio show on 105.1 The River called "The Wedding Planner" where I answer wedding related questions from people. I also contribute to a column in Osprey's Niagara Wedding Magazine called Dear Patti with the same premise. Here are a few questions and my responses:
Dear Patti
Q: My fiancé and I are footing the bill for most of our wedding and we are on a tight budget, which is making it tough to invite singles with guests. We would like to invite as many people as possible. Is it all right to invite single family members and friends without adding "and guest" on their invitations? My fiancé says we must allow people to bring guests out of politeness, but I don't want to remove people from our invite list so they can bring a guest with them. What should we do?
A: This is a longstanding debate. Your fiancé has a point - it is courteous to allow single guests to bring dates so they won't feel uncomfortable or left out. But your point is valid, too. If you can't afford the extra guests, it may be worse to cut people from your guest list because you can't let them or others bring a friend. Deal with this problem on a case-by-case basis. If you have unmarried friends and relatives in long-term relationships, you might want to consider inviting their partners. Then invite your single friends and relatives without dates, rather than cross them off your guest list altogether. If anyone complains, simply explain your predicament - that it was important they be there, but that you couldn't afford to invite dates. Then, carefully consider where to seat them at the wedding. You might want to place them with other singles so they won't get stuck at a table of couples. Who knows? Two of your guests might even make a match at your wedding!
Q: Our reception will be at a local winery, where amplified music of any kind is not allowed. We are hiring a trio for the ceremony, but since neither of us like dancing, we don't plan to have a dance floor at the reception. We do, however, want background music. The problem is our reception will begin at 7 p.m. Do you think our guests will be bored at an evening wedding without dancing?
A: This just means the feel of your wedding reception will be more like a dinner or cocktail party than a traditional dinner or dance party. If this is what you want, you are certainly free to do so. Guests will get the idea when they arrive and see no dance floor. And, since they will not be expecting dancing, they will probably mingle more. As well, talk to your musicians about intermittently changing the tempo of the music to jazz or something more upbeat to keep toes tapping. You don't have to dance to have a good time at a party - great conversation, wonderful food and beautiful music can make for an equally enjoyable evening.
Q: I am considering an outdoor wedding in April. My concern is inclement weather at that time of year. Can I make backup arrangements? How should I handle this on the invitations? Would it be in poor taste to list a second location in case of bad weather?
A: That's exactly what you should do. Plan an alternate location in case of bad weather - or plan to have an extra tent on hand at the outdoor site - and make sure your guests know the plan. It's completely appropriate to include this information on your invitations.
Q: Is it okay to tip wedding vendors? It seems foolish since we're already paying for their services, but, at the same time, I know they're working really hard and I don't want to seem rude.
A: Tipping and gratuity isn't mandatory. A tip is an added incentive for service well done. That said, unless one of your vendors really botches something, they'd probably expect at least a small amount of gratuity. Double-check your contracts, as sometimes the tip is included. If that's the case, you should not feel obliged to add anything. Otherwise, you should probably plan on tipping: hair and makeup professionals 15 to 20 per cent, just as you would at the salon; delivery people about $5 to $10 each; and parking, coat check or restroom attendants $1 per car or per guest. As for your minister or officiant, you should expect to tip them $50 to $100. Or, if you're an active member, plan to donate $500 or more to your church, synagogue or temple. Don't forget to tip the photographer. They work extremely hard and really only take one or two small breaks. Now, here's the good news: your bridal salon, cake baker, stationer and party rental company will not expect tips. To make it easier, designate someone - wedding planner, bridesmaid, groomsman or other family member - to be in charge of tipping. Set aside a predetermined amount for each vendor and place tips in sealed, labelled envelopes. You can even include a little note. That way, you won't have to worry about counting out cash when you should be dashing off on your honeymoon.
Q: We realize a receiving line is proper etiquette, but can we do without the wedding party and just include the bride, groom and our immediate family (mothers, fathers and maybe grandparents)?
A: Absolutely! Including the wedding party in your receiving line is always optional. Let your bridesmaids and groomsmen roam around and mingle while you, your parents and grandparents greet all guests.
Q: We have recently registered at two local department stores, and we're having a bit of a problem when it comes to letting guests know where we're registered. I'm not having a bridal shower, and I'm definitely not going to send registry cards in the invitations, so my question is: How do we let people know?
A: The only way to let people know is to tell them. Make sure your parents, wedding party and other close friends and family know where you're registered so when people ask them they can tell them. If people ask you where you're registered - or even what you would like as a gift - it's okay for you to tell them. It's not as if word can only be spread by those close to you.
Q: Where do the children in the wedding party sit during the reception?
A: Children generally sit with their parents rather than at the head table. If one of the child's parents is in the wedding party, then that whole family can be seated at the head table. In many cases, the bride and groom seat the family elsewhere, for instance, with their friends or other family members, even if the mother is a bridesmaid or the father is a groomsman. Basically, you can do whatever you think will make the children, their parents and you feel most comfortable. And, if you're not sure what that is, just ask them.
Q: We're getting married in September and this will be a second marriage for us both. When I mentioned invitations to my sister, she was appalled I was even considering them. She said you don't send invitations when you remarry - that that's the same as asking for a gift. Is this true? I don't care about gifts - I just want everyone to know I've found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
A: How will guests come to your wedding if you don't send them an invitation? It's true that second weddings are less formal. But you still want to send nice, official invitations to your guests. Also know that an invitation itself is not a suggestion that you want a gift. If you feel strongly about guests not buying presents, feel free to include the words, "Your presence is your present," or something to that effect on the invitation.
Do you have any questions or want more information about wedding planning? E-mail them to me and I'll contact you with an answer. Who knows, I might even write an article on it and post it in my blog. weddings@occasionsniagara.com